56 days ago, 3,000 or so miles away and sometime after I was asleep, you took your last breath. 56 days ago, my life changed in a way I could have never possibly imagined. I honestly thought I had come to terms with you being gone after we were blessed enough as a family to visit and spend time with you and Dad in California…I thought I was ready to say goodbye. I am pretty sure now as I reflect on those moments that I honestly never could have been. I wanted this for you- I wanted you to finally rest and no longer be in pain – I just never factored in MY pain.
It hurts..so very very much for you to no longer be here…to no longer be on the other end of the phone..to not be planning your next visit..gifts for the grandbabies…advice…prayers…updates on what’s going on…there’s…just…silence. It’s a silence that is deafening. And I stay busy, and distracted…right until the end of the day when I’m not anymore, and life gets quiet. That’s when it hits me…I can’t pick up the phone and hear your voice on the other end, so happy to hear that I called…and reality comes crushing back…you’re not here anymore.
I miss you Momma…so very very much. Someone asked me not long ago ‘does it get easier?’ Right now I don’t think it does…but I hope I get better at it…I hope I learn how to breathe again and just be grateful for the memories…please just know you will be forever missed and forever remembered and always and forever loved. Thank you for being my Mom…for loving me unconditionally…and for always being there for all of us. I love you ❤️

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