Hold Tight To The Memories by HKG

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In the last couple of days, I have gone several times to visit my Grandma. I would be the first to admit that I don’t make it there as often as I feel I should. It’s easy to try and justify with the busyness of my multiple jobs, the amount of time it takes for the drive there, the drive back, the number of things I feel like I ‘should ‘ be doing that I’m not as I sit and watch her sleep. But in my heart, I know that I am not there as often as I should be.

But it’s so much more complex than that…there are so many more underlying reasons why I put it off or make excuses for myself. She doesn’t know me any more…my name, my face, why I should mean something to her, the countless hours we’ve spent together over my lifetime, how important her great grandchildren were to her, the times when I was a teenager when she told me she understood and she loved me, when it felt like nobody really got me…when she made me feel loved when I felt so unlovable. .. the boat rides and camping trips, the hours spent making candy…it has all left her memory and it leaves an ache in my heart that is difficult to bear. She has no idea anymore how much those moments meant to me and meant to my children.

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But in those little moments when she smiles, when she says ‘you’re MY Heather? Oh I’m SO glad you’re here’ …in those moments, the heartbreak is just a little easier to take. The sweet way she says ‘I like your voice, can you tell me a story?’ as our roles reverse, and it is me comforting her, as I remind her of the past and all of the times we have spent together. ..things she will remember for just a fleeting moment, before they are gone again, and once more I must explain who I am.

She was, by far, the spunkiest little old lady I ever knew….stubborn and unwilling to let life knock her down…determined to live in her house and take care of herself, no matter what. She played games with her great grandchildren for hours on end, made candy and cookies, went for walks and swam…drove her motor home when my grandpa was no longer here to take the wheel. She even donned a pair of rollerblades so Jessica could teach her to skate and hopped on a scooter a time or two…just try and tell her she couldn’t. ..and she would, just to prove you wrong. Those who know me best know I get that from her {not the baking part sadly 😉 }

And now, in spite of her stubbornness and her unwillingness to let life win…it has…and I sit and watch her fade away…a shadow of who my grandma used to be. I love you grandma….for the impact you had on my life…for the love you showered on my babies…for the person you were and still are in my heart.

Stay strong and keep fighting grandma….you have a sweet little great great granddaughter who wants to meet you…you have grandchildren who love you….you have a daughter who loves you more than words…and you have me…and I’m just not ready to say goodbye ❤

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© Heather Graham and HKGRAHAM 2016 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Heather Graham and HKGRAHAM with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
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Categories family, Life, memories, Uncategorized

2 thoughts on “Hold Tight To The Memories by HKG

  1. Super good writing Sweetheart! I am printing it out for Mom so she will not short out my computer with her tears! Love ya!

    Liked by 1 person

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