Do you know what happens when you come to the end of your ability to stand by and watch someone self destruct? It doesn’t matter what the ‘vice’ is….pills…booze…maybe a combination of both. When someone you thought you knew becomes someone you can’t even recognize. When all the anger and frustration they have about life is suddenly directed right at you. Maybe it’s a spouse or significant other….a parent…or even a child. The overwhelming desire for it just to be over…for the pain in your heart to stop. The guilt you feel because you just want all of it to disappear so you can find some kind of normal again.
But reality is, as much as you carry all of it on your shoulders….it’s NOT your fault…none of it. No matter how many times you fought back, no matter how many times you yelled, threatened, raged, made ultimatums. Each and every time you were begging for that person to remember another time…another place…when things were different…when life wasn’t this neverending battle…you were simply trying to survive…and no matter how much guilt you feel…it was never your fault.
I know each and every feeling you have…because I lived it, I breathed it, I felt it in every ounce of my body….and I hated ‘me’ for all of it….for a very long time. But I have come to terms with those feelings, and I have forgiven myself….because I now realize, years later, that it truly was not my fault. I could not have stopped it, I could never have seen it coming, and nothing I could have done would have prevented it. I was a victim, like so many others are and have been.
But the one promise I have made to myself is that I will never be silenced…I will be, as long as I have a breath in me, a voice for those that feel like they have none….a shoulder to lean on…an ear to listen…and a heart that understands.
Be strong….you’ve got this…and when you don’t. I’ve got you. ❤❤❤
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